Why, after all, girls do not like to have oral sex?
It is known that the average man’s idea of the average woman is a collection of delusions that have nothing to do with reality.
The most curious of them, of course, are about sex. For example, most men are sincerely convinced that women do not like to have oral sex.
And this is despite the assertions of sexologists that fellatio is one of the most widespread topics of female sexual fantasies, individual dramatic episodes of which the producers of the hardest porn could envy. In fact, women enjoy oral sex as much as men. The only annoying thing is that many of them, after several experiments for the rest of their lives, remember that oral sex – it’s about as great as going to the dentist and gynecologist at the same time.
For what purpose men subject these poor things to such severe trials remains a mystery. Rejecting with indignation the version of sexual illiteracy, it remains to assume that in this sophisticated way, certain representatives of the strong half of humanity are fighting for female morality. And we must pay tribute to them, in terms of efficiency, the chosen method is not inferior to such tried and tested means of turning a frivolous girlfriend into a highly moral person, like bursting snoring thirty seconds after sex or brown socks that adorn the limbs of a passionate lover even at the most pathetic moment. To make it easier for the upholders of morality their difficult task, in my spare time I asked various women about what they most dislike, annoy or frighten off in an oral sex partner (how, however, it sounds!)
The result is a detailed instruction of ten points. The practical application of any of them guarantees that any, even the most in love and the most flexible woman, will once and for all lose the desire to engage in oral sex with anyone, and especially with you.
1. Directly and invite her to do the business that interests you
Of course, this produces the most stunning effect if your intimate meeting is the first. The partner does not know you at all, so she cannot understand in any way whether you are really an idiot or just a bad joke. The playful French word that is usually used in such cases is a vocabulary that is best not used in bed. It is generally difficult with vocabulary in our delicate matter. If you choose to express your wishes out loud, you will have to balance on a fine line between the barracks and the kindergarten. According to the majority of women surveyed, the best way to show your wishes is to start pleasing your partner first in the same way.
2. Persistently and unequivocally push her head into your own crotch area
How else to show her what a man wants ?! To achieve the best effect, the partner must be firmly grasped by the ears and, despite all her fluttering and attempts to free herself from your tenacious embrace, bring the matter to the end. A woman’s head is generally a very useful tool. By cleverly manipulating it, you can set the right pace and rhythm. The main thing is to hold your partner tighter so that she does not break free at the most inopportune moment and spoil your pleasure. This is exactly what the mustachioed Scandinavian did from the porn film he watched with the guys the day before. If your partner is completely incomprehensible, you can demonstrate to her the most impressive fragments of the blockbuster “Your mouth”, in order to then try to put them into practice in practice. If you have done all this, and the girl is still here, then she is either an experienced pornographic actress, or is in a deep swoon, which came as a result of suffocation.
3. Show the indifference of a real man
Be patient! Grit your teeth as hard as you can and try to lie still, feeling like for an hour down there, she is desperately trying to please you. At the same time, you should not hug her, stroke her and, in general, touch her with your hands. Even the ancient Chinese taught: the less sperm a man spends, the longer he will retain potency. There is even a special Tao-Dzy technique (really, really!), Which allows you to accumulate sexual arousal into pure energy. It seems that the right occasion has come to train the will. She has been trying for forty minutes already, she is exhausted, and at least you need henna! Let him know that you are not one of those jerks who are enough for a minute and a half! You are ready to please a woman for ages … At least until she dislocates her jaw.
4. Don’t shower before a date.
The easiest and most effective way to instill in a woman for a long time aversion to oral sex and not only to it, which does not require any special efforts and costs. Everyone knows that women only pretend to love it when a man smells of all sorts of body creams, hair gels and shaving lotions. In fact, women, like Hemingway, want a man to smell like a man. How to achieve the desired effect is not for me to teach you. From myself, I will only add that an indescribable impression on the female sense of smell is produced by the smells of wet sheepskin and delicious Roquefort cheese.
5. Carefully find out if she is sick with herpes, caries and other contagious diseases
As you know, sexual contacts are fraught with a variety of unpleasant consequences. In this matter, a man needs to be vigilant. Even if, before you go to bed with a girl, you talked with her for a year, do not forget before any sexual contact, including oral-genital, to find out in detail whether she suffered from any dangerous STDs. Best of all, of course, if she shows you the appropriate certificates – not only from the gynecologist, but also from the dentist. Indeed, in addition to sexually transmitted diseases, there are also dangerous diseases of the teeth and oral cavity. Also, by the way, infectious. If a potential partner cannot show you convincing evidence of good health, advise her to undergo a medical examination before your romance is continued. But even if you are sure of it, just in case, keep a syringe and a bottle of potassium permanganate in a conspicuous place, and after sex, grab it all and immediately run to the shower. Let your beloved see how carefully you treat your health!
6. Try to perform a “deep throat” operation on her
I have already mentioned in passing how pornography can be used for good. But if you, like me, are an expert on this part, then you probably know that the Scandinavian banalism has long gone out of fashion, giving way to much more intricate masterpieces of Hollywood and Italian masters. Undoubtedly the unrivaled hit of the season “Deep Throat 2” with an impressive blonde in the lead role. Pay special attention to the trick that gave the title to the film. At the very thought of what this Miss was doing, “mouth to ear” you get an erection. So try to repeat the same with your partner. Moreover, it is not at all necessary to initiate her into your plans: you know the whole process in detail. Just before experimenting, do not forget to attend a nursing course and master the technique of first aid for mechanical asphyxia. And at your leisure, find on the Internet an interview with a pornographic actress, the heroine of “Deep Throat”. There you will read that mastering this trick requires from a woman about six months of exhausting exercises and the result is not always achieved.
7. If she lets you know that oral sex is a reciprocal affair and she is tired of playing with one goal, immediately rebel and lecture her about degrading man’s dignity
That’s right, let him know his place! In bed, as in life, a man decides everything. Besides, it is not appropriate for a decent girl to talk about such topics. And if she expects that for the sake of her person you will suddenly start doing all sorts of nasty things, then she is mistaken. Deep. And anyway, you want to sleep because sex always makes you sleepy. What sex? The one that just happened. Didn’t she notice? … After you utter this edifying monologue, you should turn to the wall and immediately fall asleep. You will wake up in proud and pleasant solitude.
8. If she still does not know that semen has a beneficial effect on the skin of the face, close the education gap
Read the appropriate lecture and move on to practical exercises. The main thing is to act quickly and decisively. And then she, poor thing, is so cowardly out of habit that she herself will never dare to swallow this substance useful for the female body. Moreover, according to statistics, thirty percent of women do not tolerate the taste of semen at all. And some have severe allergies to it. So hold your partner firmly by the ears (see point 2), so that at the most crucial moment, do not allow her to dodge the life-giving stream. The only trouble is that from surprise, she can have a reflexive clenching of her jaws.
9. When, after all that has happened, she timidly puts her lips to you for a kiss, step back and advise her to brush her teeth first
Hygiene comes first for you. And even more so in such a delicate matter. You can’t kiss her on the lips after she … All this you tell her, if, of course, you have time, at the moment when an ashtray full of cigarette butts or some other weighty object flies into your head. Because in this whole thing called oral sex, the final kiss is the most important thing for a woman. So get out, squeamish gentlemen, as you wish – close your eyes, hold your breath, imagine that you are not you, but kiss!
10. Finally, tell her something affectionate and encouraging.
For example, condescendingly praise and promise to introduce you to a former girlfriend who is a real ace in this matter. The baby, of course, tried very hard. But she still needs to learn a lot to learn how to truly please you. Provide her with relevant literature, videotapes, and a rubber visual aid on which she should practice the art of pulling her lips over her teeth for the next week.
Put it all in a string bag and hand it over with a radiant smile when she leaves your bachelor den.