3 techniques to overcome sexual barriers

The sexual barrier is a subconscious prohibition against receiving pleasure or some kind of arousal action. It arises from the conflict that arises between perceptions formed in childhood and adult sexuality. Many parents said “no” to everything related to the study of their own body and intimate experiences. As a result, we come to adulthood with a baggage of unspoken feelings.

“Good girls do not talk about sex, but do it silently under the covers and in the dark,” the subconscious tells us in the voice of parents, teachers and educators. All this leads to physical “clamps” during intercourse, for example, the inability to make sounds, move or talk about sex for fear that the partner will judge us.

Such barriers are difficult to overcome without the help of a psychotherapist and sexologist. Trying to cope on their own, many women begin to pretend to be a “goddess of sex” in an attempt to keep up with the sexual revolution, which dictates: “You must be sexy, you must scream loudly in bed, you must have an orgasm. Otherwise, you are not a woman. ” As a result, the “clamp” goes even deeper, and women begin to imitate orgasm.

The latest study of the training center “SEX.РФ “showed that 53% of women pretend to be in bed just to please their partner. A real epidemic of visibility. How do you discover the “symptoms” of sexual blocks in yourself? Very simple:

  • Stiffness in movements and sounds, fear of making sounds during sex or moving.
  • Orientation towards the pleasure of the partner and lack of involvement in the process.
  • Demonstrative sexuality in the absence of arousal.
  • Restraining your sexual sensitivity (lack of sensations during sex).
  • Lack of relaxation.
  • Feelings of guilt that your partner’s actions did not lead you to orgasm.
  • Difficulties in voicing sexual questions: contraception, speed of frictions, technique, fantasies.

If you caught yourself thinking that some of the symptoms are present in you, then you can choose one of the techniques and train until the sexual clamp is completely gone. They will create new neural connections and “teach” the body to relax and enjoy the process.

Fear to move and make sounds

This technique will give you the opportunity to “rehearse” in a safe environment where no one can see you, including your partner. Here you can not be afraid to do something wrong and make a mistake. Just move, as during sex, make movements and sounds exaggeratedly strong – in the future this will help you find the right balance. You can even combine this practice with masturbation for more realism.

Move in the basic positions that you use with your partner, for example, in the missionary position – with your hips towards your partner, wrap your hands around his imaginary buttocks and direct his movements. Pick a pace that is most enjoyable for you, and as your excitement grows, speed up. For a “rider”, you can put pillows, get comfortable and allow yourself to bend your lower back to the beat of the movement, move your arms, touch yourself, not hold back your breath and sounds.

Over time, the fear of doing something wrong will go away, and you will completely relax, having ceased to control every movement.

Inability to listen to sensations

This exercise will help you consciously experience arousal and its bodily manifestations. Alone with yourself or with a partner, allow yourself to feel the shades of sensations (how he strokes you, how silk sheets feel on your back, how your abdominal muscles tighten), as well as what you especially like and what distracts you from pleasure.

As soon as thoughts begin to replace sensations, having fixed this, return to the body: feel the breath, the warmth of the skin, the peculiarities of touch. Relax as you exhale. This is a very useful exercise that will help you release control and more often experience a vaginal orgasm, which is possible only when the head is completely turned off.

Fear of talking about sex

This block usually physically manifests itself as a pinch in the throat, root of the tongue, and lips. If you often clench your jaw during sex, then you want to say something to your partner and cannot.

At home, you can practice: to unblock conversations, start with something pleasant. Share your feelings regularly with your partner, learn to describe them in as much detail as possible. For example, not just a pleasant assessment “It was divine!” from them a wave of excitement went through the whole body. “

Practice putting all the passion into your sound so that in one of your “Oh, how great that was!” he heard that you were in seventh heaven. It can be embarrassing at first, especially if you’ve never said it before. If you can’t overpower yourself, try writing to your partner about it, most people find it easier to express such thoughts in writing.

As you become liberated, you will be able to write and say very detailed and candid things to him that will strengthen the emotional connection.

about the author

Galina Dmitrievapsychologist-sexologist of the training center “SEX.РФ “, author of the training” The Art of Sensuality “.


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