It is better to master these simple, but very important skills in family life before the wedding – then no crises of 3, 7, 14 and so on will be scary.
As you know, the most important habit in marriage is to close your eyes in time and imagine a waterfall. But there are other simple life hacks that will ease the crises of the first year and all subsequent years of family life.
Sleep under one blanket
Surely, you have heard such a grandmother’s saying: “Even if you quarrel, even if you get angry – but lie down together, even sideways, even backwards – but, most importantly, next to you.” This is very wise advice – psychological studies have shown that strong married couples tend to go to bed at the same time and under the same blanket. Hugs are optional.
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If you like to spread out like a star on the bed, just buy a euro-sized blanket and replace the “spoon” pose, in which, let’s be frank, despite all its overwhelming touchingness, it is difficult, cramped and hot to sleep on light touches – for example, sleep holding hands. By the way, such a life hack will probably come in handy when you are waiting for a baby – in position it is quite difficult to find a comfortable sleeping position, especially in an embrace.
Discussing plans for tomorrow, Wednesday, and the end of the week is a very important form of nesting for girls. This way we create a comfort zone for ourselves, where we know everything in advance, and we feel calmer and more confident from this. But even if you are a fan of spontaneous decisions, get in the habit of talking about plans for the future more often.
See also: How to organize a wedding in 2020
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It is not necessary to discuss at what percentage you will take out a mortgage and to which institution you will give your first-born – just dream about how and where you see yourself in 10, 20, 30 years. Or tell us what you want to do for each other – how the husband will build a big house, and the wife will make him cozy and hospitable, how he will give you a trip around the world, and you will knit his socks. Feats are different for everyone, but their discussion gives an important sense of common goals and motivates to accomplishments.
Work for your other half
Collages “on the first date / after a year of marriage” become memes, young husbands are rapidly growing their bellies, young wives stop wearing makeup, forget about styling and hammer on their heels – a familiar picture. Agree, it is somehow unfair that at the beginning of the meetings we tried more for an unfamiliar person than for the one with whom we decided to live together all our lives.
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Remember the main commandment of stylists: “to look good is a daily habit.” This does not mean that you have to get up with roosters in order to always appear in front of your other half in the form of a seductress or a clean-shaven handsome man. You can start small – revise and update your home clothes, remove T-shirts with stains (at home) and pajamas “a little with a hole” (well, you can), replace mothers’ robes with satin pajamas with shorts – this is very convenient in summer, and rubber slippers – on mules. You can look smart without any extra effort – it’s a matter of habit.
Set aside 20% of your budget
It is believed that it takes 21 days to form a new habit – but scientists have refuted this common truth. They conducted a study on astronauts and deduced that the average time to create new neural connections is 24-28 days. That is, in a month, any of us can get used to some kind of daily activities, be it a jog in the morning, a facial massage before going to bed, or giving up gadgets an hour before lights out.
See also: Financial healthy lifestyle – 5 steps to a stable future
But financial habits are more complicated – they can take years to develop. Even if you don’t have a joint budget now, start “training on cats” and master the alpha and omega of financial coaches – savings.
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It is worth starting with a monthly saving of 20% of income: 10% for future long-term needs (repairs, car, travel) and another 10% for an untouchable deposit. This account will form your financial cushion, which, ideally, should be between three and six monthly salaries. Consultants agree that any large purchases and even large-scale shopping can only be afforded after the pillow is formed and securely hidden in the bank at favorable interest rates.
When clarifying a relationship, talk about yourself
Quarrels and conflicts are not the most pleasant, but an integral part of family life, and therefore it is worth learning in advance to behave in them correctly. The main thing is not to go to extremes: not to hush up unpleasant moments, this is fraught with the loss of personal boundaries, but also not to turn into personal attacks, reproaches and criticism. The optimal scheme for conducting a conflict is to talk about what you don’t like right away, without waiting for the resentment to accumulate, and behind the banal throwing of socks you will begin to see “he doesn’t love me at all / doesn’t respect my work / specifically wants to hurt me”.
How to save a marriage so that no one gets hurt
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It is worth reporting complaints using the so-called I-language: not “how long can you throw socks around, what are you,?” and not even “you always throw socks around!” (latent aggression entered the chat), and “I’m tired and it’s unpleasant for me to have to collect your socks again”. Moreover, it is better to appeal specifically to feelings and state: “I am tired”, “I feel sad”, “I feel hurt”, “I feel” – instead of the rational “I think.” The trick is that any “I think” can be challenged and try to prove that you are wrong, and there is nothing to argue with an emotion – you can only accept it or not take it into account.
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Source : zolotoy.ru