8 things that are strictly forbidden to a child

Restrictions concerning independence, manifestations of emotions and secrets – how much some of these prohibitions can ambiguously affect the formation of the child’s personality, says psychologist Olga Romanov.

Ask questions

As you know, young children are interested in everything in this world and constantly ask questions that adults find stupid or annoying. Therefore, before you go on the grounds of your reluctance to answer the next “why” and “how”, think about the fact that the questions are not asked to anger you, but dictated only by the fact that the child is thus trying to learn about the world.

practice self-sufficiency


The maturation of the child is a constant manifestation of the desire to be independent. The first steps, trying to hold a spoon and eating unassisted, trying to get dressed and undress yourself. If the first steps of the baby’s parents are usually happy, as evidence of a new stage of development, then with the other manifestations of independence is more difficult. It is much easier, cleaner and faster to feed, dress the child himself than to allow him to make mistakes by learning something new. And then the same parents will be surprised that the child grows up irresponsible and does not want to do anything – remember, you yourself did not give him such an opportunity, suppressing any initiative while he was young.

be greedy

The myth that a child should share his or her own things with other children has become entrenched in parental behavior. At the same time, the parents themselves are not in a hurry to follow their advice – they do not give their smartphones to strangers and even relatives, do not donate clothes and cars. But at the same time they condemn their own child, if the one on the playground did not want to give his scoop “colleague in the shop.” How can you be ashamed of your child for what you would not do? not able to do as he pleases – he may at any time be compelled to conform to something else’s notions of how “correct.”

show emotions


It is much easier to exist in a world where everyone initially behaves correctly – do not cry when you fall and break your knee or lose a toy, do not jump on the beds when having fun, do not shout, do not laugh, do not run and do not misbehave. The ideal world of adults, in which children come with the understanding that this world needs to fit. Then from the children whose parents forbade them to express emotions and be themselves, grow people, satisfaction with the little ones, do not aspire to anything and who are afraid to show themselves in one way or another in life, work and personal relationships.

Get dirty, mess around in the mud, stuff cones

For a child to get dirty, run, jump, fall and rise – this is another way to learn about the world. By falling and stuffing bumps, he gains invaluable experience that teaches him to be more careful and cautious. Bundle and peeling in the mud, sand, water, he learns that the world is different, interesting and unsterile. Climbing to the top of the slide, he learns the height and new sensations that are associated with a certain risk.

Of course, you can protect your child from any emotions, feelings and dangers, but then do not expect that when he grows up, he will become a free person and will be interested in what surrounds him.

have secrets



The older a child gets, the more personal he appears in his life. Secrets are a part of a child’s personal space that parents should carefully protect, as it is an opportunity to unleash the potential that lies in any child. And if the relationship between parent and child is built on trust, some of his secrets he will tell you, if necessary.

Feel negative emotions

Fear, anger, resentment, envy, of course, do not adorn a person. But the fact is that each of us has a right to negative emotions, which are designed in some way to make our lives better, because any of these emotions, if properly perceived, promotes development (see also: From resentment to envy: how to force negative emotions work on you).

At the heart of envy is the desire to have what another has but you do not have. Anger shows that you are not satisfied with something in the situation or the person, and, therefore, you need to change either yourself or the situation. Any emotion is necessary and important, just worth learning how to express them so as not to cause discomfort to yourself or others. And sincerely admit to yourself the presence of negativity in the soul.

Express your opinion



You can’t stop your child from saying no. On the contrary, it is necessary to explain to the child from an early age that he has the right to refuse and say what he thinks. How many problems in adulthood we could have avoided if we had not been ashamed to say “no”. This needs to be taught from childhood, and then it will be natural, correct and organic. A child should not grow up in an atmosphere where he is only forced and forced to do something – he should always have freedom of choice.

Volga ramanam
Volga ramanam


Volga ramanam

Photo: Getty Images


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