Instead of an epigraph. I spent a week in the hospital, and before discharge, a nanny ran into our ward to say goodbye. Her parting words were as follows: “Well, cloudless, girls, now I’ll see you at the abortion.” “As if!” The “girls” froze, pressing the newborn sausages to their nipples. – And without it in any way? ”
“What are you doing!” The nanny informed me so much that there is no limit to naivety in this world. – Where are you going! ” And send yourself girls to live not that under the sail of this nightmare, but in principle already without options.
And what has it to do with betrayal, you ask? It has nothing to do with it. I’m talking about an experiment (private, regrettable, optional), which mentality brothers share with us, equating it to the subway map. That is, to a monolithic scheme for all.
For some, the thought of cheating is so impossible that they avoid close relationships.
The favorite intrigue of the ecumenical verbal culture – jealousy and revenge for treason – has been driving away the intellect of a receptive viewer for more than a hundred years. The plots were learned almost from an early age. So much so that attempts to treat this “everyday business” with irony, and even more with humor, philosophically and tolerantly fail from century to century, despite the technological progress and the triumph of postmodernism.
Even when in the charming Italian comedy “Ladies and Gentlemen” (Signore & Signori, 1966) everything is parodically cheated on everyone, and we are invited to look at it as if it were a circus attraction – even if you die, nothing happens!
For some, the thought of cheating is so impossible that they avoid close relationships in order not to suffer if something happens. The same fear makes us spend precious resources on preventing these very betrayals – control, strengthening subordination and even our own betrayal. Just in case – after all, the retaliatory step can be regarded as a payback, and this is “a completely different calico”, as if my mother used to say.
There is also a more sacrificial form of this phobia – the fear of betraying one’s own. My girlfriend hasn’t responded to her boyfriend’s proposal to marry him for a year. Guilt – what if I cheat on him? He won’t survive.
That is, she and he (to whom, of course, everything is popular) continue to live (together) in anticipation of when she will finally cheat on him. She does not change, he waits, but both know that there is no happiness. As if betrayal is hurricane Katrina or a paroxysm of appendicitis – an unpredictable and uncontrollable enterprise.
Chatting for a short time, it turns out this: if no one has ever changed you in your life – let me know, you simply haven’t remembered the times, or you are ahofully informed, as if in that joke about a lover of life. Is it so much? And in general, that such a betrayal is a defect in relationships, a universal vice, a cost of Christian ethics, or an innocent weakness?
Or maybe this is a phantom, roaming in our brain, and how to make sure that it does not poison our lives?
“It is necessary to tremble not treason, but deceivers”
Mikhail Labkovsky, psychologist
Betrayal is not a phantom, it is a swindle. That is, not the very fact of preference for you another (oh), but the concealment of this fact. The nature of treason is in another thrill. The thrill of being caught, punished and abandoned. And the song, familiar to many, about “I am saving your feelings (option: our family) and therefore I hide” is nothing else, like hypocrisy.
The only truth here is that the relationship in which this scenario is likely to be found was flawed from the beginning. There is something wrong with sex, communication is not at that level. There are no ideal alliances, of course, but something can be prevented.
First, it is not treason that should tremble, but deceivers. Actually, and by and large they do not need to tremble, you just need to be able to distinguish them from other people. In the heat of love, this can be difficult to do, but the feeling of self-preservation will tell you. A person who lied about trifles – promised, did not, said one thing, it turned out to be another – is quite capable of treason.
People who respect themselves have no idea that they can be changed. They count on a blameless relationship.
What to do? Don’t expect him to be different with you. Neurotics don’t give up. So, as if you can quickly fold everything and sleep peacefully. Noteworthy jealous people also look here. It is considered that jealousy is a manifestation of inner insecurity. However, it is just as accurate a projection of our own vicious experiment. “Delayed at work, you say? Yeah, we know – swam.”
Second, no one and nothing can guarantee lifelong fidelity. And as if to live with it? Full-blooded and cloudless, as if people with worthy self-esteem can do it. And doing it every day and diligently is actually it (self-esteem), and not clarifying the relationship.
People who respect themselves have no idea that they can be changed, let alone abandoned. They truly count on a blameless relationship. And, what is most entertaining, in fact, they get such a relationship! And if they or their partner is overtaken by a “big clear feeling” from the outside, they (attention!) Immediately inform about it and together decide that they will survive it. Say goodbye or … forgive and forget. In the meantime, in such couples, cases of betrayal are much more loose, and goodbyes are bloodless.