One of the most common reasons couples turn to family counselors is not money problems or parenting conflicts. The main reason for referrals is sex… The problem, as you can imagine, is not the physical act itself, but the emotional problems that prevent them from doing satisfactorily. And here’s what usually affects intimate life:
Some use sex as an anti-stress. But in fact, in a stressful state, the brain cannot be distracted from disturbing thoughts and does not allow it to be fully in the moment with a partner. So it’s better to relax and relieve stress before sex. Talk, take the load off your shoulders, reduce the activities that drain you time and energy.
Alcohol and drugs
Yes, they are relaxing and can sometimes increase libido, but they actually interfere with the emotional connection with your partner during sex. You are not so in control of yourself and you do not feel like each other. Or maybe one of you doesn’t like drunk breathing at all.
Sexual trauma in the past
If one of the partners had a negative sexual experience, rape, some kind of trauma, this can be fettering. If this moment is not worked out, the partner may have sex indifferently, simply giving in, but not being emotionally present. What to do? First of all, tell your partner about what happened. Do not suppress it or keep it secret.
This is a serious medical problem. If you notice that your partner has become passive in bed, pay attention to his behavior in other areas. When a person is depressed, he loses joy even from things that previously brought him pleasure, becomes irritable, moves away from people and may have trouble sleeping. Talk about it, because the person himself may not be aware of what is happening to him.
Children’s taboos and values
Our attitude to sex is formed on the basis of upbringing, what we saw around us as we grow up. If one of the partners was brought up in a strict religious family, this could affect his behavior in the marriage. You definitely need to talk and discuss this in order to understand that sex Is really not just a physical act, but an opportunity for emotional and even spiritual convergence.
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