Classic sex does not bring orgasm. Maybe he never did? The body does not feel discharge and accumulates blocks. And all because a person is in a state of familiar fear.
Start at “Hurt Me!”
Fear comes from a child-parent relationship. With each stage of maturation of the psyche, a child has certain needs for his age. In order for the psyche to go through all the stages of growing up, and not stagnate, the parent is obliged to satisfy these needs, thereby helping the child to identify and separate his personality. Only parents with a mature psyche can cope with such obligations …
WHAT did the child receive from the parent in response to their psychological needs?
1. Attention and recognition of one’s own existence only through punishment.
Those. when an angry parent directs his resentment energy at the child. To attract the attention of a parent, you must break the established rules.
2. Disapproval of the parent for the manifestation of their own emotions. Or a ban on their negative manifestation: you cannot cry, get angry, shout.
“I was afraid, sometimes they made comments if she was acting too loudly, and if she showed some negative, my mother was offended at me … like I have no right to express dissatisfaction. I remember, for example, how at the age of 5 my mother made me wear a hood , but I didn’t want to do this, I walked and held back tears, tried not to show that I was feeling bad … “Yes! Some kind of “hood” (action against will) for impressionable natures can sit in memory.
Personal feelings and emotions do not find empathy on the part of the parent. As a result, the child behaves in order to correspond to the “picture of the world” of his parent, displacing his own into the unconscious.
3. Feeling of inferiority and subjective feelings of guilt. For example, parents divorced. If the parents do not explain to the child why they divorced, then the children, as a rule, feel guilty about it. Mom and Dad are getting divorced = they don’t love each other, and if they don’t love each other = they don’t love me, they don’t love me = I’ll die.
“I felt guilty, there was a divorce of my parents when I was 8 years old, maybe someone else said something to me in childhood, but I did not remember something that I took as a justification why I should not live in the world … “
4. Physical punishment.
If children were punished with flogging, then the blood rushes to the pelvic region, which can cause pleasant sensations in some. In combination with pain and suffering (any of the personal experiences listed above), this is “encoded” in a certain way. And then it is reproduced in fantasies.
Erich Fromm associated masochism with a feeling of loneliness and a lack of experience of one’s own significance. Punishment, on the other hand, is a paradoxical variant of being “safe”. The communicative / social aspect lies in the fact that the masochist establishes (nevertheless) connections with other people, albeit at the cost of humiliation and demonstration of submission.