Freshness of feelings implies attraction to a person, interest and a desire to be around. Passion has a more pathological connotation, it is associated with addiction. For seemingly happy moments, we often pay with jealousy and loss of peace of mind.
Back to childhood
“When I met him, I immediately realized: I have no choice but to be with this person,” says Irina. – In anticipation of the meetings I could not concentrate on anything, I thought only about him. He was funny, generous with surprises and brought wonderful adventures into my life. He looked like Mom. I was brought up by my grandmother, my mother lived and worked in another city, her every visit was a happy fireworks display. When she left, I suffered and counted the days until we met again. Soon, the beloved began to do the same – he could disappear and suddenly appear again. He talked about how we should accept each other and not try to change. I got out of this relationship long and hard, like a drug addiction. “
“Often it is the first object of love, the parent, that dooms us to painful feelings that we subsequently experience towards our partner,” says Marina Miaus. “Growing up and falling in love, we again play the child’s conflict, and for the projective role we choose a person who resembles a parent’s traits and behavior.”
Accept and reconcile
“The romance broke out when I was married,” says Margarita. – We gave each other our word to finish everything, but again looked for meetings. I left my husband, he stayed in the family, but continued to meet with me. At some point, I realized that he would not leave his wife, the painful relationship seemed to bring him pleasure.
“Such a relationship is destructive for both sides. The partner, sometimes not knowing about it, also sees in you a figure that is emotionally familiar from childhood, – explains the psychologist. “The mutual attraction of the past is often the basis for painful romances. The incompleteness of the relationship with the parent over time degenerates into anxiety. And since we cannot go back to childhood and change the situation, we try to come to terms with it, living similar feelings with a partner. We try to accept what tormented in childhood: parental detachment, unpredictability of anger. Therefore, it is difficult to give up painful passion in adulthood, because it turns out to be a symbolic recognition of the fact that we are forever left with childhood pain. “
Freshness of feelings
With the external attraction of passion, a state of constant emotional stress can lead to somatic diseases, alcohol dependence, depression. How to find a middle ground between feelings and a destructive wave of passion?
“Be aware that in a healthy relationship there is an opportunity to take care of yourself and your children, to help mutual development. Passion turns on a mode of self-destruction, says the psychologist. – At the same time, we do not want to lose interest in a loved one. To prevent this from happening, you need to talk with your partner, perhaps provoke him, but not go over the edge of the game.
Let your life be more spontaneous: trips, gifts, romantic dinners. Do not forget to hug each other more often and say gentle words – this makes it possible to feel a partner. Common interest also brings together – any activities that you love and share, feed a feeling of mutual attraction. “
Source : www.psychologies.ru