Separated parents: how to succeed in a calm dialogue?

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If it hurts to separate from your partner after several years of relationship and a life built together, it is important to maintain healthy and constructive communication for the sake of the children. But how to continue to dialogue despite the end of the couple? Here are some ideas.

Whatever its reasons, a breakup very often provokes tensions and arguments. It’s a world that crumbles, a story that ends and a life to be rebuilt. An often difficult situation, experienced by 40% of Belgian parents. And just because we have children together doesn’t mean that things are easier, quite the contrary! Losing love and continuing to be parents can be very complicated to deal with, and communication is often difficult.

Dialogue like parents when you are separated

Not being together anymore and talking to each other as parents is not always easy, but it can be done. Here are three tips to follow to successfully engage in “parent” dialogue.

1. See the good of children

You have the right to be angry with your ex, not to appreciate what he is becoming or the way he is doing this or that. But taking the children hostage on the pretext that we can no longer support their daddy will only make the children suffer and fuel tensions. It is therefore important, when you have to make decisions regarding the children (type of care, choice of school, discussion concerning education, etc.), to keep in sight the essential: the good of the children. children.

Think about their benefits and comfort as much as their emotional balance. To achieve this ideal relationship, it is important to put your ego aside and act with your children really in mind, not your own grievances. Indeed, many parents boast of seeing “only the good of their children”, but do not hesitate to hold them hostage, refusing any constructive communication with the other parent. If you do this, be sure of one thing: your children will suffer.

2. Move on

The separation is real. Whether it took place a few months or a few years ago, it seems clear that nothing will change things, and that your paths are parted. To successfully communicate peacefully as parents, it is important to let go of the past for what it is, and move on in life. Letting go of grievances and moving forward will really help you communicate peacefully with each other for the benefit of the children.

3. Think of the other as “my child’s parent”

He has been your love, your companion, your friend. And yet today, he’s “just” your ex. Most importantly, he is the father of your children, and someone they love as much as you do. And if you certainly have one or the other thing (or even more) to reproach him with, he is and will remain “the other parent of your children”.

Seeing your ex-partner as “the parent” and no longer as your lover will help you put less affection in the relationship you have with him and, as said several times in this article, have serene and constructive communication, for the sake of your children.

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