Separation: how to talk to children about it

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The announcement of separation can be a scary moment for a parent. But there are tips for living it as kindly as possible.

When a couple makes the difficult decision to separate, one of the first questions that comes to mind is “How to announce it to the children?”. And indeed, it is a primordial stage of the separation and certainly dreaded, so much it risks to shake your little ones and to formalize this complicated choice.

Announce the separation to the children

Fear of hurting, of not knowing how to explain this decision to the children, of facing a thousand and one questions that you yourself have enough difficulty answering … Announcing your separation to your children is certainly not going to be easy, but is a step that you must go through to move forward. Here are some tips to help you experience this stage as calmly as possible, for your children as well as for you.

1. Make this announcement together

Yes, you are going to separate, and in essence no longer live together. But during this announcement, it is important that there are two of you, as parents, to explain to your children the decision you have made. It is just as important to explain to them that if you will no longer be a couple of “lovers”, you will always be a parental couple, two people having a common goal: to preserve them as much as possible.

2. Choose your moment

So let’s be clear: there are no good times to announce a separation. That being said, there are still times more suitable than others to share the news with his children. Make sure you are available long enough to accommodate the feelings of the children. No need to do this right before a family member’s visit, or at breakfast just before dropping the kids off at school. This inability to express themselves and ask questions risks creating many emotional blockages in the child. A watchword therefore: take the time.

3. Accept the emotions

This announcement, even if it is made with all the kindness in the world, will be a very difficult time for your children, but also for you. It’s a world that is falling apart, a family that sees itself changed forever. There will therefore be a lot of emotions that will appear at the time of this announcement: fear, sadness, guilt, nostalgia, anger… Do not try to suppress or ignore them. Prepare to welcome and accept this emotionally charged moment. Don’t be afraid to cry, hug your children, or give them air if needed.

4. Reassure your children

Children learning that their parents are separating will, quite naturally, ask themselves many questions about love and, since the one that was present between their two parents has ceased, can sometimes wonder if their parents can no longer love them. as well. It is therefore essential to reassure your children that you will always love them.

Explain to them that the love between a man and a woman is very different from the love that a parent has for their child, that this is love is unconditional, in order to calm their doubts that they will no longer be loved. their parents.


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