Breaking up is almost never easy. The injured party thinks, “This can’t be!”
The search begins for ways to fix, revive or “fix” the relationship. Many are looking for meetings with a partner, trying to discuss the chances of reunion, appealing to old feelings and writing messages on social networks. We play for time, sort things out, but it only gets worse. The easiest way to deal with pain is to shut down your ex-partner.
This advice is difficult to follow. We invent new reasons for meetings – for example, we offer to return forgotten things, call and ask about the health of former relatives and send congratulations on the holidays. This is how we create the illusion of the old life, but we do not live.
The only good reason for continuing communication is the children we share. In the event of a divorce, we continue to share the concerns of raising them. We have to meet and talk on the phone. But in this case, you need to try to keep communication to a minimum and talk only about children.
Here are four reasons to drop a conversation.
1. Continuing to communicate with your ex will not heal.
Ending a relationship is a painful process, but the pain cannot last forever. You will be sad, angry, offended that life is unfair. These feelings are natural, an integral part of the recovery process, but gradually you will accept what has happened.
By continuing to communicate with your ex, you are hindering the recovery process by opting for a destructive strategy of denying the obvious. To open up to new life and confidently plan for the future, you need to fully accept the fact that the relationship is over. Admitting the breakup will give you relief and a calmer life.
2. You drain yourself of energy
As long as you direct your energy towards communication with your partner, you do not have enough energy for joy, communication with children, hobbies and new relationships.
3. You live in a fictional world
The relationship is over. Whatever you think of them is an illusion. The connection with your partner will never be the same, and the fact that you continue it suggests that you live in your own alternate reality, where you are happy together. You are eager to meet, however, communicating in the real world, you feel frustrated. As long as you live in a fictional world, you are depriving yourself of real life.
4. You make the same mistakes again
Those who cannot accept a breakup tend to blame themselves for everything. They do not believe that separation can be a chance for personal growth. They scold themselves instead of leaving this relationship in the past and moving on, trying not to repeat the mistakes they have made.
If you can’t accept the breakup, your life turns into groundhog day. Every day you wake up with the same fears, disappointments and accusations against you. You are stuck in a relationship that doesn’t exist: you cannot be with your ex, but you cannot budge. Once you let go of past relationships, you will feel free and independent from the hurt and regrets of yesterday.
About the Author: Jill Weber is a clinical psychologist and author of Building Self-Esteem 5 Steps: How to Feel Good Enough.
Source : www.psychologies.ru