Pregnancy

Testimonial: “I had an abortion before having children”

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Marie is 36 years old and is the mother of two children. Two children she wanted and who today make her happy. And yet, shortly before starting a family, the thirty-something had recourse to abortion. She returns for us on this moment of life.

“I was about 30 years old. I was single and had my life ahead of me. I knew I wanted kids and started a family, but until I found the right one, I was calmly enjoying my life. One evening, I spent an evening with a longtime friend, and one thing leading to another, we ended up in the same bed together. A totally improvised evening, and a finality that we did not really expect. That said, no question of talking about the beginning of an idyll, but rather two consenting adults who had had a good time together ”. This is how the young mother explains to us how her single life changed overnight.

A good moment that turns into questioning

Quickly, Marie felt something different inside of her. An impression confirmed by a late period. “When I notice that my period is not coming, I am in a kind of denial. Impossible that I am pregnant, this kind of story only happens to others … I still make an appointment with my gynecologist, to which I go with a friend. My gynecologist tells me that I am almost 12 weeks pregnant. It’s the shock. It is no longer possible to deny now ”.

The gynecologist then warns her that at 12 weeks pregnant, the young woman is only a few days away from the legal limit for abortion, if she does not wish to keep the child. “At the time, it’s very clear to me, I don’t want to keep it. The biological father quickly finds out. For him, things are just as clear: beyond the good time we spent together, it was never a question of starting anything with me, and even less a family. He warns me that if I decide to continue this pregnancy, I will have to take care of this child alone. But being a single mom has never been my envy. My choice is therefore clear: I want to have an abortion ”. Marie therefore decides to make an appointment to perform an abortion.

“What if I can’t have any more? ‘

The day before the operation, the young woman has some doubts, and dozens of questions are jostling in her head: “If I let this child go, will I have the opportunity to become a mother one day? Isn’t it better to be a single mother? Will I have children?

I’m seriously afraid of regretting, of making the wrong choice. I then contacted a long-time friend who had a child alone when she was very young. I ask him questions about his life, his daily life, his experience. For her part, she plays fair and tells me honestly that she has never considered abortion. Then, she talks to me about her daily life as a solo mom, her incredible love for her daughter and her struggles, the difficulties she has to face, her life as a woman and her victories.

She confirms to me that she has never regretted having kept her child. We exchange a good time on his life. After this discussion, I understand that if my friend fully assumes this life as a single mother, this is not what I want for me. Yes, I want to start a family and yes, I want children, but not under these conditions. Not like that. That night, I slept little, but I feel serene about my choice ”.

Like a need to talk about it

The next day, Marie goes to the operation. The rest unfolds very quickly, without her realizing what was happening: “I think I put myself in a bubble of protection so as not to feel too much the aspiration and my feelings. I want to quickly forget, move on ”. After the procedure, Marie goes home and tries to turn the page. But she can’t help but reflect on what just happened. She feels the immense need to talk about it, and while she had not dared to tell her family about what she was going through, she finally decides to talk to her mother. “I hadn’t done it before because I knew she would try to talk me out. I told him what had just happened, and the choice I made. I am then aware of one thing: I made the right decision. Single mom, it wasn’t for me ”.

Two and a half months later, Marie meets a man. This man, he will become the father of his children: “Between us, everything went very quickly! So much so that just a few months after we met, we are talking about starting a family together. A year later, our eldest arrived and made our dream of being parents come true, then soon after, a second child. Two children and two desired pregnancies, love between a man and a woman ”. A meeting that confirmed Marie in her decision to have recourse to abortion.

Six years later, the results

“I would be lying to you if I told you I never think about it. Even today, I think about that baby that I didn’t have. I wonder how old he would be, if it was a boy or a girl… But I know that if I had decided to keep this child, I would not have the life I have today . I might have met my mate, but we would never have built this life that we have together today. So I don’t regret, and I don’t feel guilty about having one day chosen to have an abortion. I know it was the right decision for me, my wishes and my reality ”.

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Source : mamans.femmesdaujourdhui.be

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