It will take some effort, but the problem is definitely solvable. Here’s what you can do to achieve harmony in your relationship, both in and out of the bedroom:
Eliminate health problems
When couples have sexual problems, the first step is to check to see if they are caused by health problems.
Sex may not be satisfying due to pain, anxiety, or drug side effects. It is worth excluding these factors before starting to understand the relationship between partners.
Some drugs are especially insidious in this regard: for example, strong pain relievers and many antidepressants can reduce libido.
Discuss the situation with your partner
None of us wants to admit to a partner we are crazy about that sex with him does not satisfy us. However, the desire to change something in intimate life makes it possible to improve mutual understanding.
In other words, being open will help you bond. Better to start this conversation with curiosity. If you are not satisfied with the frequency of sex, you can, for example, say: “I suddenly wondered – why did we stop making love as often as before?”
Whatever your problems may be, it is important to be open and creative about solving them.
If you feel disharmony with your partner, say, for example: “You and I seem to be dancing to different music. How can we find a common rhythm? ” To make this conversation constructive, it is important to clearly and concretely articulate what exactly does not suit you, and to offer some solutions.
For example, you might say, “I think when we caress each other, you don’t really like the way I do this and this. Maybe try harder and faster (or, conversely, slower and softer)? ” Partners should clearly and in detail explain what exactly they want – it is not enough just to say: “I like it this way, but not so much”.
Experiment in the bedroom
After identifying problems and possible solutions, try them out in practice. Maybe you need more foreplay to rekindle the passion, or maybe you should try something new that you haven’t allowed yourself before.
Whatever your problems may be, it’s important to be open and creative about solving them – try role-play, change of scenery, slow romantic music, sex toys, or something else. It may sound counterintuitive, but sexologists also recommend that you masturbate alone. This will not divert your sexual attention from your partner, but on the contrary, it will help you get closer, since masturbation allows you to better know yourself, understand what turns you on and how to achieve orgasm.
By telling your partner about this, you may well be able to rekindle the extinct passion.
Seek help from a specialist
If you still can’t get back the lost desire, but you are both determined to fix it, it might be time to see a specialist. A sex therapist can help you identify your “erotic patterns” – what turns you on the most.
In the presence of a professional, many find it easier to honestly explain to a partner what they are not happy with and what they would like.
It is important to understand that sex therapy is not limited to solving specific problems. Working with a sexologist helps to learn more about sexuality, grow, develop, decide to try something new.