“Why don’t I want my boyfriend and what to do next?”

Not so long ago I got a good boyfriend. Kind, caring, my type. But for some unknown reason, I am not physically attracted to him. We tried to have sex, but during foreplay I didn’t even feel a hint of arousal. I consulted with my online friends, some say to quit it, others – to live without sex. What to do?

Lika, 20 years old

Lika, you should not approach this issue so radically, and advice is unlikely to be able to help you, because Internet friends hardly know what kind of relationship you have with this young man and what feelings you are experiencing.

The situation that you described happens quite often, and there can be many reasons. Most often this happens due to negative previous experiences or negative attitudes towards sex. Therefore, you need to consider the reasons that prevent you from relaxing.

With regard to your boyfriend, it is worth asking yourself whether you trust him. This sounds odd because you are complaining about your lack of attraction to a man. But, in fact, why should you necessarily be attracted to him? You write that he is kind and caring. But do these characteristics a priori cause desire? Are you ready to have sexual relations with all kind and caring men?

A young man is your type, but this is a very vague concept. Even if outwardly you are sympathetic to him, this is not a guarantee of even friendly relations.

One gets the feeling (possibly mistakenly) that you feel obligated to have sexual intercourse with this young man. And, of course, if a person is obliged, he will not experience any excitement.

You need to sort out your relationship with this young man. Do you think he has the feelings for you that you would like? Do you feel something other than sympathy for him? What exactly? Have you had any previous traumatic experiences or negative attitudes about sex? Finally, do you really want intimacy with him? In the answers to these questions, you will find a solution to your situation.


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